The One Christmas Constant

 I had been feeling quite nostalgic during the holidays.  After loosing my mom almost two years now, I often think about Christmas past and the love and togetherness of family and I find myself going down memory lane, a song, a sound, an ornament, whatever I come across sends me into memories.

Then it happened Christmas Eve, it was but a moment but I felt it. While singing Away in a Manger, in that instant, and that quick, I felt an enormous surge of Christmas spirit. I felt my mom, my dad, my grandma and my brothers all at once in a song. It was a feeling I cannot explain. 

Most likely it was God, the Holy Spirit but though it was but an instant, in that moment I was filled with Christmas spirit. My mind then started to wonder back to 80's, probably sang that particular song so many times. I began to think of the one Christmas constant and that is God, the Holy Spirit, baby Jesus and how no matter what season of life we are in or what memory we hold onto HE is the constant. He brings us together and through the love of the season no matter your age, no matter your social standing, your financial situation, or your health, GOD IS GOD. His song, his music, his hope and celebration. It brings us all together each year and in that moment we are with HIM, we are all celebrating His birth and in one mind with one goal to celebrate the greatest gift of all Jesus Christ, a savior, our savior. 

I am so thankful for the hope of Jesus Christ. Not just the belief of him, and that gratitude of his literal salvation and sacrifice for my life but I am so thankful for the relationship because I serve a living God. He is not dead, he is not a thought or idea or symbol but real. He gives hope, he gives peace, he gives light and grace to get through each day. 

Crying without Tears - Panic

When I was younger, early 20's I would cry a lot. Tear up at a commercial, card, etc... but I would also cry, a deep, heaving cry often. I don't know if I was depressed, if It was hormones or if it was my circumstances at the time, but I cried a lot. Tears are cleansing in a sense or a release at the very least.

Now that I am older, my life is too busy to cry.  Too happy to cry? Too fulfilled? Lack of hormones? Not really sure but I don't cry nearly as much as I used too.  I will confess though that there are times when I feel a panic cry inside, I call it crying without tears. It's usually in the mornings and it is an emotion that comes and goes( I let it go).  It is a feeling of panic, like I need to cry and let it all go, but I realize there isn't time or that God is in control and I regain composure.  When I get this particular feeling if often reminds me of the scripture that says that Spirit knows and God knows our minds and weakness of the heart.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.Rom 8:26

God knows my heart, what I am dealing with, the life panic that I feel, and he is my helper.

I remind myself of some very important scripture:

For God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self control.
 2 Tim 1:7

So that spirit of sadness, panic or worry, it flees from me and I go about my day.  I have to thank God for the comfort and remembrance of the scriptures that continually help me daily.

Abba Father~Thank you......

Prison Stories: And Freedom

 The metallic taste of metal lingers, is it the dust from the chains that bind you to the addiction? 

Is is the drug that is still in your system? Maybe it's blood in your mouth as you bite down on your flesh. 

As you cry out for help today, tonight you return back to those chains, to that addiction in a effort to numb the pain. You don't even realize the bondage, the binding of the chains because all you can see are those moments that you enjoy-  that you feel nothing but euphoria. The euphoria erases those feelings of failure, those feelings of loss, those feelings of not being good enough, the relationship that you feel is irreconcilable, that awful thing you did....

N U M B

Apathy replaces love, feeling, hope, passion, faith- as the chains that bind you control you. 

In your mind you feel free like a bird as you fly through the air, through life because feeling high is better than feeling life....

R E A L I T Y 

Reality is the realization of life, not that this life is perfect but that we are here for a reason, and we are here to live for something. Reality is a journey to the realization that living and that and being in this life you have purpose.  Some cannot look at reality and realize purpose, you choose to stay bound. You choose a different path, one that doesn't really include walking but being bound. 

Really,  you are bound like a prisoner to your addiction, to the thing slowly destroying the beautiful temple that God created in HIS image. Slow death just to avoid feelings, emotions- that are not comfortable, Comfort is your God and the chains that bind you keep you in a prison that you cannot see. 

Never moving forward, never moving really... just bound, obliviously imprisoned. 

A prison that you cannot control yet you feel in control ... for now, living in the moment. Until you wake up in reality. Then there is a choice: Is today the day you make the change, and stick with it? Is today the day you turn your life around, 360 degrees in another direction with fresh perspective and anew HOPE. Is today the day ? Or do you return to the prison that has you confined to yourself, to comfort, to a slow destruction, a slow bleed, a muffled cry, starvation yet freedom, comfort yet discontent. 

Many say one must get to their lowest point to go up, to get tired of the scraps, starvation, bondage. Tired of the stench, the filth, the dirt on the floors that you sleep. So low even family cannot tolerate you. They are burnt out and tired. Tired of the struggle and being drawn into that struggle. Resources tapped out and they cling to an ounce of self preservation. The family members are holding on the the life boat in the middle of the ocean and begin to swim back to shore to try and find solid ground to regain balance and footing of some normalcy of life. Oh the woe's of addiction... You see, it doesn't just put you in a prison of bondage and suffering- 

others suffer because of their love for you. 

Other's suffer as you use them up and drown them in the ocean of tears and strife.

Matthew 11: 28 -29 says "come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest". Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

H E A V Y 

This life, this life can be heavy, loss, failure, heartaches, injustice - just to name a few, but we can rest in our Savior Jesus Christ. 

We can meditate and pray to a point of euphoria and bliss and calm and peace. Never feeling bound but able to release it to our FATHER.... Yields true freedom. True Freedom means being okay with yourself, your flaws, shortcomings, failures, losses and trusting in Yahweh our Father and that he will meet all our needs both physical and emotionally. Letting Go and Letting GOD.

Today is the day - it is the 360 degree day to turn, repent and trust in HIM. He is a chain breaker and Way Maker, Trust in him today.  Don't you want to experience True Freedom?

C H O O S E

The Fledgling

 We found a baby bird just hopping around our yard. 

     We thought it was sick...

      We thought it was hurt..... 

       Three adult blue jays were flying all around our yard and in our Live Oaks and talking to each to  

       each other and we thought surely they were worried about the bird.....

      We called all the wild life centers here, 2 were actually bird centers 

      We took it to the bird sanctuary.  Once we were there,  the guy examined it,  felt it's throat and said feel that ( as he told me to feel around the adams apple area) "that is food and it is fine". We told him that we were worried about the bird being attacked by a dog and it's safety and he said that he couldn't really keep a bird there unless it was clearly hurt. He confirmed what the other place said on the phone -that it was a fledgling.  In my 48 years of life, I have never seen or paid attention to a fledgling bird, maybe in country life they are in the wooded areas and truly it's natural selection there, but never have I seen this before. 

A fledgling is a baby bird that either gets knocked from the nest, falls from the nest or the parents push it from the nest when it's time. The bird either survives or dies through natural selection. It walks around on foot and apparently the mom still feeds it or it feeds as it clearly according to the bird expert had food in it's throat.  As it walks around it learns to fly. The end goal to be independent and able to fly on it's own.

I cannot help but see this as exactly our young adults and teens as they grow up, either go off to college or move out they are like the fledging bird. 

Their little minds are developing and they want to be independent and walk around big on their own feet, and merit,  and by themselves but they really aren't safe yet to be on their own. They still depend on mom or dad to feed them and help them in ways but want that independence. 

For them natural selection is finding their way, either A. they do well at college and continue on in that vane or B.  they get a job, get married and go a different route. Some and I don't know the percentage though go down the wrong path, the self destruction path and just cannot seem to make it on their own, out of the nest but pride, or independence often keeps them from trusting their parents or asking for guidance as they want to too it on their own. Some parents are not supportive and say you are an adult you are not coming back to the nest.... do it on your own. Some get plowed over and beat down, run over, some hit rock bottom and come back up and eventually fly. 

I cannot help but think of the quote.... " What if I fall, Oh but my darling, what if you fly" 

That is what we want : we want our young to fly to find their way and fly on their own, to be contributing members of society and the world making it a better place not a worse place. 

So if you are out there and you are a fledgling and just wandering around .... look up and fly, keep trying, keep searching, keep getting stronger. You can fly, keep trying. 

Darling you were meant to fly.......