Those that Love Us

 I was thinking the other day if I passed who would be affected by my death. 

I didn't come up with a lot of names, but some that would be deeply, and greately affected. 

Then I went to the thoughts of my mom. I thought how she didn't have a lot of people attend her funeral or wake. 

I thought how small towns turn out and how they turned out for my father's funeral in 1997 because he was a native to that small town. But 25 years later things are different. We were in the midst of a pandemic and who knows she might have had more show if the pandemic had not been circulating through the small town. 

Then I thought how my mom did not really touch lives outside of ours - her children, her grandchildren etc. She was an introvert. She wasn't a real humanitarian because it was all she could do to help those that were given to her to help and and theirs however I knew her heart, and I know if she could have she would have. She wanted more, but her illness and responsibilities didn't allow it. But she went on and just rolled with it. 

She loved hers, Though it wasn't thousands she affected roughly around 50 people who were just family and close friends. 

But oh those that love us. Those that are dear to us how they affect us. To hear her voice one more time. To hear her tell me about the past and her experiences growing up. To hear that again would be worth gold. 

Those that love us are the ones that we are connected to,  the ones that connect to us. 

That love is a beautiful thing. So no matter how large or how small a group we affect, love and being loved matter, we all touch someone. We all matter to someone. 

In the end love matters, love is the key to life. 

So remember that and treat all as if they matter because they do to someone!! 

Ode to the Woman

ODE TO ALL WOMEN  

Ode to the woman is written to all moms, all caregivers it was inspired by being a woman and mom and the woes of life, but also the beauty in it all. 

Ode to the Woman, who has in anxiety or grief who has looked back, the one who is hard on herself and is always hard on herself but especially so with her children. You have done your best but feel like your best wasn't good enough, if only you had been more intentional, pushed more loved even more, talked more. Instead you were there in body but so tired in spirit. Maybe not tired, but also maybe you just didn't know what to say or how to love outwardly with body and word because no one ever taught you. You had not the words to fill the gaps, to fill the cracks and nurture outwardly, but you were there, you showed up and you tried. You loved, you gave, you tried. It has not all been for naught, but a seed planted, love given in your own way and God sees it, and he loves you. May you feel His Love and peace in return.

Ode to the Woman, The one who has grown outward, and more fluffy. You have had children, and loved, you have taken care of your children, you haven't let your self go, you have let yourself live. You don't calculate every minute of every day or every calorie. You have journeyed through your days concentrating on your family and not yourself, and that is okay. Kudos to you, keep living, and loving. You maybe married and though he stays in shape and maybe goes to the gym, there is not time or motivation for you.  The most steps you get are running after little ones and though you don't begrudge it, you often think, wouldn't one day to yourself, one day off, just one day be nice to have to work on yourself, but you just keep growing and gaining weight, but loving your family and being there for them all. Your love holds you captive, you don't want to miss one step, one minute from your family so you don't make time for self to go to the gym, to recharge or meditate. You justify it all in love. 

Ode to the Woman who has somehow done it all, managed to keep her figure, to keep all her appointments at the gym. The woman who has kept it together both physically, and mentally and has it all: the family, the career and her figure and looks. Hard work has paid off and kudos to you for being that champion time manager and master planner to get it all done. You know in your heart you might have missed that morning breakfast with the littles or that book to read at night, you might have missed some cuddles but you know that it's okay because you being strong and working on yourself matters. It matters that you are filled up and whole so that you can pour into your family. Ode to you woman with the full cup who has it all figured out. 

Ode to the woman who is trying, the one who does not have it all together but still shows up everyday and does her best. She may be fluffy she may be thin, but she hasn't the time for the gym. She is busy, and life is busy and she works, as does her husband, and though career is not her focus her work takes her away every day from her family, but somehow it all works out because of a team effort of family. Flickers of guilt come and go as she wishes she could have spent more time with her kiddos, she relishes in the little moments, the night time prayers or hugs in the morning but not enough time, not enough talks and time rushes on like a mighty river flows, and 10 years have passed in a flicker. Ode to this woman for trying, for striving.

Ode to the woman who might have focused on her career a wee bit long. 30's 40's then no children came. Ode to this woman too who chose career over family. She pushed those natural nudges to start a family to seek the perfect fairly tale life of home and family to focus on her job, and career. She may sit in regret later in life, or even now, but don't, don't begrudge your choices. Find family in friends, love on those around you. Ode to this woman who might have let time slip through her fingers, but don't we all in some form or fashion.

Ode to the woman who gave up a career or chose to stay home with her children, to maybe have less, but love more. It's okay, your okay and your career will or won't wait on you, but you are having a home career, home manager and your career is your family. Ode to you and yours. Don't pine over what could have been or what career ambition might have yielded but celebrate the now, live in the present and know that you are creating magic in your children who will forever be bonded to you. 

Ode to the woman who might have been left, left by her husband, or left by her children. You still have so much to give you are a woman and this world needs you. Ode to you, may you find your way, may you dance in the storm and find your path that leads to a fruitful life. May you pick of the pieces and may they all fit together or maybe you make a new masterpiece but get up and show up. 

Ode to the woman who is striving with or without family who has health problems, or addictions. Ode to you for going on, for fighting. You are doing your best. You may be fluffly or you may be thin, but remember the real stuff is on the inside, the beauty is what comes out of the heart, not the skeleton that holds the heart. Remember each day we get the chance to start again, afresh and anew.

Ode to the woman who is raising someone else's child or children either by choice of by 'doing the right thing' and taking family on. Ode to you for allowing your motherly instincts drive you, for loving and striving to give what others could not, or would not. It may not come easy or it may or may not come natural but you try and you show up and you plan and you are there like a steadfast pillar doing your best not to bring glory to you but to give hope to a child that all is not lost, and the universe wants them here. 

The New Leprosy

 I have to say that as a people we are really no different than we were thousands of years ago even BC. I know this as I read God's word and the stories that are there reminding me of the human condition. 

What is the human condition- well we are evil by nature and will remain evil until we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and even then when we strive and work hard to be good we are not. 

We are different, we work, we strive, but at the end of the day, we are selfish and we fail. We are human. 

IN the age I speak of when someone had leprosy they were cast aside and put out from society to be almost exiled.  They were not accepted into the city or with other people, but had to be isolated for public health reasons.

Now our new Leprosy is our mentally ill. Not due to health but due to our own comfort. I speak of the one's that have burned every bridge in their life to the point of being isolated and alone. They live on the street, or in a home.  Family love them but they do it at arms length and they set boundaries. Those boundaries often include separation of sorts and again the person is isolated. Isolated just as someone with leprosy, not because of contagion but because many reasons, they don't look like us or they get on our nerves or we are just plain tired of the journey of it. 

I am not judging, I write this as I have lived it. I write this from a place of conviction yet have no answers of how this can change or get better. I write this as I am just as bad as the Doctor that refuses to treat a drug addict with heart valve damage, though he covers his documentation with proper language to keep himself from being sued. The poor soul who decided to self medicate when life didn't feel right and it got out of hand. The Doc plays God and decides the drug addict homeless person does not get to live. 

Let's talk about the mentally ill. The one's who don't look like us, or act like us. The individual that speaks to the air, to his book bag, to all cars riding down the street. He/She looks unkempt,  burly, tanned and often dirty. Sometimes they don't say anything at all, just stare off - oh yeah those are the ones that take their meds and appear to be zombies, but 

I would say the mentally ill are the new leprosy ... 

They don't get looked at or even acknowledged at times. Society  keeps them isolated, and alone because no one wants to deal with it in their life. No one wants to be around psychosis and hallucinations or delusions because it aggravates us as we live in the present and well we don't want to live in the twighlight zone. I get it, I have lived it, but as a people group as humanity, there must be a better way. 

We talk about inclusion all the time, diversity, and acceptance....what about this people group? 

Why is it so hard to accept them, include them, and realize that they matter, that they are humans that should be treated with respect and dignity just as any human being. 

Mental health is a public health problem as our mental health drives our physical health. So I wonder in this first world country that I live in, why has no one found a suitable answer or solution to our country's mental health problem? 

I am gonna end with a beautiful quote or story by Ram Dass-

"When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and allow it. You sort of understand that it didn't get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don't get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans you loose all that. And you are constantly saying'you're too this, or I'm too this.' That Judging mind come in. And So I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them the way they are."

 

Welcoming in 2023 Embracing the Patchwork Quilt

I clearly remember my Nanny telling me about the quilt she had for me. She explained how they would save their old dresses and cut it up into strips or shapes and create a quilt top. She would tell me about it and say I have each of you one. Then one day she decided to have someone quilt them for us for Christmas and she gave them to us and to this day, I treasure that quilt.

Life is kinda like a patchwork quilt: each person that comes into your life is like a strip or shape of material. Their friendship, their character, things you shared you store up in the memories of your mind. You may never make a quilt as those things are not tangible but oh how very special they are.

People come and people go all touching your life in some way.

Being in the ministry and just through the journey of life,  there have been so many people in our life, and I just want you to know I treasure the friendship we shared, the kindness, the encouragement, or the words of wisdom.
Funny how our journeys separated us or took us in different directions, but I am so thankful that each and every one of you have been a part of my patchwork life.

As of late ( well last 2 years) we have had a lot of death in our family and it truly leaves one a little numb. It also reminds you of the brevity of life as well as how precious it is. 

The true magic of life though is living through loss or grief all the while embracing the present. Not being numb, but alive and in the moment. 

Grief comes like waves, sometimes we embrace it and sometimes it cripples and sometimes we do our best to push it aside and save it for later.  Even compartmentalization works,  making sure to be present for loved ones but also grieving when needed. Compartmentalization is not being fake it is being wise and a great sign of emotional intelligence in that one can detach when needed and be present. 

Someone once told me you cannot grieve and not live and you cannot live and not grieve. All so very true.

To start 2023 , I challenge you as I challenge myself to live in the moment more. Not to be numb but alive. 

Through the old pieces of material that make up our life, Look for the beauty in each day, in each minute of the day. Look for the blessing and refuse to accept or feel cursed, but claim something good. Look for a lesson, look for a blessing amidst it all . As we look at our quilt, some pieces are tattered and torn and even worn thin. Others are still crisp and smooth like the new and easy things of life. All are part of our patchwork quilt and patchwork life. 

So in 2023 embrace life, alive and alert. Just show up even if you're secretly clutching that tattered blanket of security or holding on to that grief because you feel it keeps your loved one alive in your mind. Even if finances, or relationships or careers are not where you want or maybe even in shambles but in your heart may you have peace that can only be given by the One True God. Just Show up in 2023 and be present for the moment. Because that small thing, it seems like nothing, well the little things are not little and life is truly but a vapor. So embrace 2023 with new mindset and new love.

And as we close out 2022, remember that though our patchwork life has many pieces to it, In 2023 may we find ourselves healthy and whole and no longer numb, but warm as we embrace the many facets of the quilt of life. 

Running from Love

 I was 16 and I was running from Love. 

The things I knew, people I knew and loved me.... I ran. I hid. 

The one love that pursued me, I didn't want. I equated a difficult journey with that love. It wasn't easy and love is suppose to be easy. He pursued me any way. 

I think back on my love, the one true love in my life and how he always pursued me even when I pushed him away at 15, 16, 17, 18. He spent years pursing me. Loving me anyway and sending people in my life to let me know. 

This mysterious love was God. He waited on me, he pursed me, he always loved me, it just took me some time to learn how to love him back. It took me years to understand the kind of love HE offers. 

He loved me when I didn't love myself and when I wanted nothing to do with him. 

I was singing Reckless love the other day by Cory Asbury and it brought to my mind how God always loved me.  These words really got me :

When I was your foe still your love fought for me 

You have been so good to me 

You paid it all for me

You have been so kind to me

Singing that made me remember when I was a foe of Christ when I was 16 and running from him. I remember being at the beach with friends, and a church group of strangers pursued me there, and I discouraged my friends from even talking to them. Yes, I was a foe. I was running from the lover of my soul and I wanted no one else to have that love either. It's a great song if you haven't heard it you should go listen. 

Of course Reckless love that seems not like God at all. His love is not reckless it is intentional and free and part of his plan, not reckless.Well yes,  that is the theology thing to say but we are not all theologians. We the lay people of the world, see his love as reckless, our carnal selves cannot understand a love so true. We cannot fathom a love so genuine and forgiving and to us it is reckless but to HIM it is the gift HE promised. It is His natural gift. He is the shepherd and we are the lost lambs and he is searching for us all even that 1 that strays. 

I am so thankful that he waited on me, that he loved me even when I pushed HIM away. He loved me, and he sent subtle messages to me until I decided one day to love HIM back. Til I decided to accept the call from the lover of my soul. Since then, he has been closer than a brother, he has been a strong shoulder to cry into, a friend, a father, a mother. He has offered peace in the dark times, and hope to clean up the pieces when things fall apart. He is my everything! Thank you God for loving me.

He loves you and he is pursuing you today. He sends people your way to remind you that you are his, that he loves you and wants you to be his bride. He wants you to love him back. He is searching for you. Nothing you have done could make him reject you. Come to HIM today!!!! 

The One Christmas Constant

 I had been feeling quite nostalgic during the holidays.  After loosing my mom almost two years now, I often think about Christmas past and the love and togetherness of family and I find myself going down memory lane, a song, a sound, an ornament, whatever I come across sends me into memories.

Then it happened Christmas Eve, it was but a moment but I felt it. While singing Away in a Manger, in that instant, and that quick, I felt an enormous surge of Christmas spirit. I felt my mom, my dad, my grandma and my brothers all at once in a song. It was a feeling I cannot explain. 

Most likely it was God, the Holy Spirit but though it was but an instant, in that moment I was filled with Christmas spirit. My mind then started to wonder back to 80's, probably sang that particular song so many times. I began to think of the one Christmas constant and that is God, the Holy Spirit, baby Jesus and how no matter what season of life we are in or what memory we hold onto HE is the constant. He brings us together and through the love of the season no matter your age, no matter your social standing, your financial situation, or your health, GOD IS GOD. His song, his music, his hope and celebration. It brings us all together each year and in that moment we are with HIM, we are all celebrating His birth and in one mind with one goal to celebrate the greatest gift of all Jesus Christ, a savior, our savior. 

I am so thankful for the hope of Jesus Christ. Not just the belief of him, and that gratitude of his literal salvation and sacrifice for my life but I am so thankful for the relationship because I serve a living God. He is not dead, he is not a thought or idea or symbol but real. He gives hope, he gives peace, he gives light and grace to get through each day. 

Crying without Tears - Panic

When I was younger, early 20's I would cry a lot. Tear up at a commercial, card, etc... but I would also cry, a deep, heaving cry often. I don't know if I was depressed, if It was hormones or if it was my circumstances at the time, but I cried a lot. Tears are cleansing in a sense or a release at the very least.

Now that I am older, my life is too busy to cry.  Too happy to cry? Too fulfilled? Lack of hormones? Not really sure but I don't cry nearly as much as I used too.  I will confess though that there are times when I feel a panic cry inside, I call it crying without tears. It's usually in the mornings and it is an emotion that comes and goes( I let it go).  It is a feeling of panic, like I need to cry and let it all go, but I realize there isn't time or that God is in control and I regain composure.  When I get this particular feeling if often reminds me of the scripture that says that Spirit knows and God knows our minds and weakness of the heart.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.Rom 8:26

God knows my heart, what I am dealing with, the life panic that I feel, and he is my helper.

I remind myself of some very important scripture:

For God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self control.
 2 Tim 1:7

So that spirit of sadness, panic or worry, it flees from me and I go about my day.  I have to thank God for the comfort and remembrance of the scriptures that continually help me daily.

Abba Father~Thank you......

Prison Stories: And Freedom

 The metallic taste of metal lingers, is it the dust from the chains that bind you to the addiction? 

Is is the drug that is still in your system? Maybe it's blood in your mouth as you bite down on your flesh. 

As you cry out for help today, tonight you return back to those chains, to that addiction in a effort to numb the pain. You don't even realize the bondage, the binding of the chains because all you can see are those moments that you enjoy-  that you feel nothing but euphoria. The euphoria erases those feelings of failure, those feelings of loss, those feelings of not being good enough, the relationship that you feel is irreconcilable, that awful thing you did....

N U M B

Apathy replaces love, feeling, hope, passion, faith- as the chains that bind you control you. 

In your mind you feel free like a bird as you fly through the air, through life because feeling high is better than feeling life....

R E A L I T Y 

Reality is the realization of life, not that this life is perfect but that we are here for a reason, and we are here to live for something. Reality is a journey to the realization that living and that and being in this life you have purpose.  Some cannot look at reality and realize purpose, you choose to stay bound. You choose a different path, one that doesn't really include walking but being bound. 

Really,  you are bound like a prisoner to your addiction, to the thing slowly destroying the beautiful temple that God created in HIS image. Slow death just to avoid feelings, emotions- that are not comfortable, Comfort is your God and the chains that bind you keep you in a prison that you cannot see. 

Never moving forward, never moving really... just bound, obliviously imprisoned. 

A prison that you cannot control yet you feel in control ... for now, living in the moment. Until you wake up in reality. Then there is a choice: Is today the day you make the change, and stick with it? Is today the day you turn your life around, 360 degrees in another direction with fresh perspective and anew HOPE. Is today the day ? Or do you return to the prison that has you confined to yourself, to comfort, to a slow destruction, a slow bleed, a muffled cry, starvation yet freedom, comfort yet discontent. 

Many say one must get to their lowest point to go up, to get tired of the scraps, starvation, bondage. Tired of the stench, the filth, the dirt on the floors that you sleep. So low even family cannot tolerate you. They are burnt out and tired. Tired of the struggle and being drawn into that struggle. Resources tapped out and they cling to an ounce of self preservation. The family members are holding on the the life boat in the middle of the ocean and begin to swim back to shore to try and find solid ground to regain balance and footing of some normalcy of life. Oh the woe's of addiction... You see, it doesn't just put you in a prison of bondage and suffering- 

others suffer because of their love for you. 

Other's suffer as you use them up and drown them in the ocean of tears and strife.

Matthew 11: 28 -29 says "come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest". Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

H E A V Y 

This life, this life can be heavy, loss, failure, heartaches, injustice - just to name a few, but we can rest in our Savior Jesus Christ. 

We can meditate and pray to a point of euphoria and bliss and calm and peace. Never feeling bound but able to release it to our FATHER.... Yields true freedom. True Freedom means being okay with yourself, your flaws, shortcomings, failures, losses and trusting in Yahweh our Father and that he will meet all our needs both physical and emotionally. Letting Go and Letting GOD.

Today is the day - it is the 360 degree day to turn, repent and trust in HIM. He is a chain breaker and Way Maker, Trust in him today.  Don't you want to experience True Freedom?

C H O O S E

The Fledgling

 We found a baby bird just hopping around our yard. 

     We thought it was sick...

      We thought it was hurt..... 

       Three adult blue jays were flying all around our yard and in our Live Oaks and talking to each to  

       each other and we thought surely they were worried about the bird.....

      We called all the wild life centers here, 2 were actually bird centers 

      We took it to the bird sanctuary.  Once we were there,  the guy examined it,  felt it's throat and said feel that ( as he told me to feel around the adams apple area) "that is food and it is fine". We told him that we were worried about the bird being attacked by a dog and it's safety and he said that he couldn't really keep a bird there unless it was clearly hurt. He confirmed what the other place said on the phone -that it was a fledgling.  In my 48 years of life, I have never seen or paid attention to a fledgling bird, maybe in country life they are in the wooded areas and truly it's natural selection there, but never have I seen this before. 

A fledgling is a baby bird that either gets knocked from the nest, falls from the nest or the parents push it from the nest when it's time. The bird either survives or dies through natural selection. It walks around on foot and apparently the mom still feeds it or it feeds as it clearly according to the bird expert had food in it's throat.  As it walks around it learns to fly. The end goal to be independent and able to fly on it's own.

I cannot help but see this as exactly our young adults and teens as they grow up, either go off to college or move out they are like the fledging bird. 

Their little minds are developing and they want to be independent and walk around big on their own feet, and merit,  and by themselves but they really aren't safe yet to be on their own. They still depend on mom or dad to feed them and help them in ways but want that independence. 

For them natural selection is finding their way, either A. they do well at college and continue on in that vane or B.  they get a job, get married and go a different route. Some and I don't know the percentage though go down the wrong path, the self destruction path and just cannot seem to make it on their own, out of the nest but pride, or independence often keeps them from trusting their parents or asking for guidance as they want to too it on their own. Some parents are not supportive and say you are an adult you are not coming back to the nest.... do it on your own. Some get plowed over and beat down, run over, some hit rock bottom and come back up and eventually fly. 

I cannot help but think of the quote.... " What if I fall, Oh but my darling, what if you fly" 

That is what we want : we want our young to fly to find their way and fly on their own, to be contributing members of society and the world making it a better place not a worse place. 

So if you are out there and you are a fledgling and just wandering around .... look up and fly, keep trying, keep searching, keep getting stronger. You can fly, keep trying. 

Darling you were meant to fly.......

The In Between

There are two things promised to us, to be born 
                                                                     ...... and to die... 
Two forces that we must face
Two limits of duration
Two promises 
Two inevitable s

We cannot choose to be un- born, 
Really we cannot choose to die - though some do.

And in between those limits of life and death is now 

It is life 
It is the "Journey" 

Many fall to victim of circumstance, 
Generational curses that our inner soul is too weak to break.
Many struggle but we always have a choice.... 

You have a some choice in your destiny and even in your journey.... Through your  disposition and perspective.

Disposition and Perspective have all the more meaning when reflecting on the living.

Disposition - the dictionary says the inherent quality of mind and character...

Perspective - the dictionary says a particular toward a way or regarding something.. Often known as "point of view" 

You can choose your perspective and your disposition will change. 
You cannot always choose your circumstance but you can choose how you think on that circumstance.

Do you know that if you do something for 30 days it becomes a habit? Challenge yourself, Intentionally change your thinking for 30 days and see if doors open. 

Do it now, life is so very short. 

Rise up in 2020

I am not talking about oppression, suppression or depression. I am talking about the term 'rise up'
in literal terms for 2020.

As a new decade begins, what are you doing? Are you hum drum, going to work, coming home, trolling social media and that's about it? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? - Rise up

I challenge you in 2020 to rise up. Start that work out plan,  eating plan, change your life in 2020!!
A new Decade a new you - Rise up

Believe it or not, but there is great research and proof out there if you can get moving in ANY way, walking, dancing, biking, hiking, stretching, yoga, pilates, anything! you will also feel better emotionally. Try it- Rise up

Emotionally whatever you are holding onto, whatever anger, hurt, rejection, sadness, projection, subjections.... let it go. Release it like a caged bird and RISE UP. Don't let that stuff hold you down.

Next, we have covered the physical, and emotional health let's cover the spiritual.

What are you doing spiritually? Part of being healthy includes spiritual health.
What do you believe, who do you believe in? a higher power -I hope, God I hope...

If you are a believer what are you doing to help others' find their way? Are you being a light in a dark world or are you part of the darkness?

Address your spiritual health in 2020 and RISE UP

Jesus taught us about loving others. He was the perfect example of love and acceptance. He showed us how we are to be and to love.

Research also shows that people who pray, people who give back and or pour into others are happier more fulfilled people. Why is that do you think? Well that is what we were created for.  To love, to give, to RISE UP and be the better person, to be the shoulder for someone else, to be the bigger person, to lend a hand, to encourage, to support, to love.
Are you bored and unfulfilled, an empty nester, or maybe even no children, well RISE UP and volunteer somewhere, give to someone, there are sooo many children out there right now that need help, something as simple as mentoring a child at a school could speak volumes into one life, your presence could change the course of one person's journey, your presence could reverse a generational curse. So I challenge you : RISE UP

Step up to service in your local church, do you know how hard it is to find volunteers ? RISE up

People want to feel better, and have more quality of life.

People want to know that you love them for who they are, right where they are and that is what Jesus taught us and how he loved. Why is it so hard for us? Well it does require some discipline and effort on our part so I challenge you in 2020 to:

RISE UP

On Being Wise

We often refer to the Wise Men in the story of Jesus Birth as men of culture, men who were wealthy, men with means. What made them wise? Were they kings? Magi? Astrologers? Most likely they were exceptionally well educated for that day and time hence the name wise men that they have as well.

Well if you look at the history and read about these fine men,  there is much commentary on these wise men that followed a star to see Jesus.

In my heart of hearts I love the fact that though they were wise they were not so haughty or elite that their hearts could not be pricked, and not so educated that their minds were closed to miracles. It is evident that they had vision and open minds, a curiosity-  that fulfilled prophecy.

Today men have knowledge but often their minds are closed to miracles, to faith, to things bigger than what can be explained, not these men and that is why we call them wise.

I would rather have wisdom above knowledge any day.

Wisdom is being able to look deeper, see clear, see further, have vision with an open mind not penetrated or controlled by mere words on black and white paper or theories or one book that you read. Wisdom is so much more than mere knowledge.

In Mathew 2, the wise men came from the East and King Herod heard about the baby being born and even wanted the wise men to report back to him. Little did he know they were on mission, little did he know, there was a bigger plan than he could imagine in the works. In that bigger plan they never returned to report to King Herod.

They did however fall down and worship Jesus, they gave him gifts, and in getting there, they simply followed a star. Really it doesn't make a lot of since to me that well educated men would put faith in a star and follow it. Scripture even says that when they saw the star they rejoiced, they had joy because they knew in their very being the prophecy. I am amazed that well educated men would revere angels and dreams, but they did, and that's why we call these men, these kings, these magi- WISE.

So what about being wise?
Well today, we don't have a star to follow, we don't have a physical baby to visit or to bring gifts, to bow down and worship, but in the moment at Jerusalem, when the wise men were there they didn't either.  Though they did have hope, a curiosity, the gut feeling, the nudging of something inside of them to go and see. Do you?
If you are yet to be a believer, there must be some curiosity, some hope-something speaking to your soul that there is something more, that there is a Jesus. While you aren't going to physically take a journey to see a baby in a manger to worship, you are still on a journey in life to find Jesus and you will find HIM if you look.

Mathew 2:10  says the wise men "rejoiced exceedingly with great joy"
God wants to offer you joy too.

The Rock Fortress

Has anything ever happened in your life that shakes you, that moves you ? You sit staring in shock and asking God is this really happening, you hope you're dreaming but it's real and it hurts.

Sometimes you begin to question all your decisions, all your life choices, hopes, dreams....

Sometimes things happen to people and they stand at a crossroads, at that moment in time they either run to God or they run away. Whatever the choice..... changes the life, the path the journey.

Have you ever lived day by day with an affliction and each day it tears a little bit away from you. Your faith and trust are tested hour by hour and sometimes to the point of wanting to run far, far away. Flight or fight kicks in from time to time and that feeling comes around. Then you remind yourself you are a child of God and that comfort comes and you're held.

I was talking to someone the other day and they said how do people do it? How does a non-believer get through the hardest parts of life without God. I said I have no idea. I know the scripture below is a great reminder of how we get through things.... it was a great reminder to me

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."      Psalms 62:1-2

What stuck out to me was- I shall not be greatly shaken.... the word greatly

The reality is that Life shakes us, even some of the more simple problems will shake us. Sometimes Life truly is hard, things happen and we find ourselves on the floor begging for mercy and grace.  Then we are reminded,  with God, we may feel the earthquake, but we are not greatly shaken because the former of the verse.... He is our fortress of stone. If you surround yourself with HIM and he is in you, there is no way to be greatly shaken as HIS house will stand. You are HIS HOUSE: STAND STRONG! Lean on Him- Claim it and don't allow this world to greatly shake you. I Shall not- also requires some action on our part to claim it and live it.

When life is shaking you - remind yourself :

"I shall not be greatly shaken, I serve a big God and he lives in a rock fortress and I am his and he is mine and he is on my side" 

YOU LIVE IN A ROCK FORTRESS WITH THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE- DON'T BE GREATLY SHAKEN

A Different Darkness

There are two kinds of darkness- 1. darkness meaning absence of light and 2.darkness without light.
Think about a dark room versus a dark cave. Have you ever been in such a place that is dark and you can see your hand, yet a dark cave where you cannot see your hand. A place so dark that you question your existence, a place so very dark that you feel it swallows you up and absorbs your being?
Those are the two kinds of darkness and how they differ.

One could make a play on words and realize that the two actually could mean the same thing. That being in a dark room is without light and being in the a dark place is without light or both are the absence of light, but there is a difference.


In the complete absence of light  is darkness without light whatsoever, we fall, we trip, we cannot find our way. We just sit in one place afraid to move. We keep going back over the past, over the wrongs in our life, over our mistakes and we are paralyzed with fear in the dark dark place that we choose to stay, because cannot see. We sit with our sin, enjoy our sin and continue to go back to that addiction, that pain, that hurt because it's familiar, it may even feel like 'that's who we are'.
That kind of darkness is a scary place. It is scary to not be able to move on. It is scary to not be able to see one foot in front of the other or the path to get out.

This darkness needs someone to shine the light of Christ their way. They need encouragement, help, a hand, empathy and love. The kind of love that we were taught from Christ's works, and walk.

The second kind of darkness is equally scary. The kind that darkens a room, dusk, or a dense fog that hides the truth, hides the sin, the thief that uses darkness to his advantage hiding in the shadows but still enough light to navigate. This kind of darkness is dark yet there is still some light there.
This kind of darkness a child of God gets semi lost in.  Dabbling in sin, taking risks, telling themselves they live under grace but still refusing to repent, but calling themselves a believer and probably even going to church. Really scary because this poor soul is being deceived.

You believe that there is one God. Good! Even the demons believe that—and shudder.
James 2:19

The second kind of darkness is all around, it's a fight for even Christians to stand in the light, to discipline themselves to be upright and abhor darkness and sin. Some say,  well- we are gonna sin and somehow justify their daily fall almost sinning willfully and they live on borrowed grace.  I believe if you truly love God you will try to stand in the light and not hide. You may mess up, fall, even sin but on the daily you strive, you make an intentional conscious effort to represent Christ well.

Darkness needs light. If it's debilitating- non belief darkness or just a dark place with light shining under the crack in the door. Any darkness, needs light.......

One lone candle burns, and that candle, that light is you. 

You were made to share Christ's light in this dark dark world. This includes in the absence of light or in the dark places that we at times find ourselves in or around. 

Be the light on a Hill, Be the lamp, the candle, the light house that shares light in this dark world. 

"You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden; Matthew 5:14

Judgmental People

When I was in my 20's I used to think the Church was the most judgmental place on the earth. I believed the people in the church were so judgy and pretentious.

Even later as an adult of small children, I can remember feeling judged and inadequate, and I fought for the confidence that I lacked without the support I needed.

That so often is the case. We offer our opinion but not really our support.

As I matured though and lived in this world a little longer, I realized that those church people were not as judgmental as I thought. I came across many people groups who were so very judgmental:  oppressed people groups,  prestigious people groups, enlightened people groups, scholarly people groups, then just good ole salt of the earth people groups too.  What I have learned is- that it is not one people group that are judgmental but people in general are judgmental.

It's people who have unrest in their soul, people with agendas, people who are not at peace. Those people judge others. Many people who have experienced hardship in their life become cynical and may become judgmental to others, I could go on and on, but the reality is- unhappiness, and un-rest within.

I think we should be lifting people up, not tearing them down in whatever capacity you are in, you don't tear one people group down to lift yourself up. You should never put one person down to make yourself feel better or even to get your point across. There are so many ways to make change without the hate, to be a light without the agendas and hurt.
Sometimes people think they are doing a good thing but in the end the un-rest and hate in their soul is so very evident and the judgement that they place on others is so very hurtful,  when that wasn't their intention at all but there it is in black and white letters on the page or words that cannot be taken back.  Stop being judgmental and search deep down to what the real problem in your life is- start there, not with others and their weaknesses.

Fast forward and now I am much older and wiser-  I realize people are people, we all want to prove our point, but I want to ask you...... Why the judgement? Why the stones ? Think before you speak or write.  Choose love.

We all need to search deep within ourselves

Happy New Year: The Light of 2019

As the Holidays are hard for many, they are also Happy times for many.

The peppermint bark, Christmas lights, evergreen, and giving season at hand makes even the coldest grinch melt at times.

I am sure most can look back on 2018 and feel that maybe it was good and yes, there were hard times as well, and maybe even bad times, but isn't that how life is?

Good times, bad times hard times, but real times. Times that take your breath away and times that make you want to hold your breath = LIFE

As we all look forward to things, right now we look forward, and are hopeful that the light of 2019 will bring good things... even great things.

What are you looking forward to? Hopeful about? What is it in 2019 that you want to happen?

I want to challenge you not to live your life in hoping for a better day. Well hope is good, but try and live in the present, the here and now.

We just had a huge family gathering and brought in the New Year with love all around.  Instead of just sitting with it, visiting and soaking it all in, I found myself on my feet, serving, doing, being busy.
Now, this morning, I sit here and wish I had been more present. I wish I had asked that great niece about herself, her school. I could have taken more pictures, got more hugs, but I didn't and I don't sit here necessarily in regret, but just wishing there was more time, that I had one more day with my family.... but life goes on and the real world waits for our commitments to be fulfilled and the grind of it all will begin again.


So I want to challenge you in 2019, to live in the present. That whatever light 2019 brings-  whether it's a bright light on a hill or light from a crack in the door, that you make the most of it.

Yes, there will be times that take your breath away and times that make you want to hold your breath.

But overall, my prayer for you is a good year, a year filled with light. Light you absorb from others and light that you emit to others. I pray that you,  most of all-  get to experience the Light of the World. The light and hope and presence of Jesus Christ, the one true hope and reason to live, love and experience this present world.

Getting Through the Tunnel

Have you ever crawled through a tunnel?

Most of the time it's dark, and you have to navigate around turns, sometimes bumps and in order to keep your self from absorbing the darkness and freaking out, you have to keep your mind set on your goal, your purpose, your immediate task- to get out.

Life can be like that sometimes.  Things happen, the stress of life:  finances, careers or the overwhelming sickness of a family member, a child or even your self...... Darkness creeps in like the fog does in San Fransisco making everything darker covered, blurred.

The tunnel gets dark, and as you begin to look around you get anxious, scared, and you even wonder why did I get in this tunnel, how did I get here, can I turn around,  do I have a choice,  what is the best way out?
If you sit there and concentrate on all this and you don't concentrate on moving, and getting out where your focus should be, then you will become anxious.  Your flight or fight mode will kick in and you will either make a plan or allow the darkness to overcome you. You might even have a panic attack thinking about all those things, when all you really need to do is get moving, concentrate on your task at hand and remember your immediate goal and purpose.

If you concentrate on your immediate goal, eventually you will see the light at the end and that will give you even more motivation to continue.

Life is kinda like the tunnel. You can sit with it and concentrate on the walls coming in around you or the fog, or the darkness, or the situation that you might be in. The situation seems overwhelming and it may be hard to even think about what you need to do, but right now at this moment, on this day - look for the light and if it isn't there, trust what you know.

If you know God-  trust that he will give you the tools you need to get out of this dark place, that he will clear the fog,  that he will help you navigate and move and go toward your goal. Even if the darkness is there, even if there are days you feel traumatized, stunned, paralyzed, go back to what you know.  Trust in the one who will be your helper, your refuge, your strength. Set goals, and make up your mind to navigate, with His help, through this dark place to find the light.

If you don't know God and all you can think of or see are the walls all around, or all you can do is sit and cry.  Maybe you are even sitting in the darkness paralyzed, stunned by life, caught up in the hurt, drama, emotion and are in crisis mode.
If you are in this place, ask him now to come to you, to come into your heart, and fill your heart and mind with his presence, with His love and with His Hope.

At the end of the day, focus on the hope of the light.

"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it". John 1:5

Intoxication with Christ

The opposite of being intoxicated with Christ is being intoxicated with the world. Not literally intoxicated with the world, but in a sense of self, pride of life, captains of our ships, and free will.

We all think of alcohol or drugs when we think intoxication. The dictionary defines it like this:

Intoxication

1. inebriation; drunkenness.

2. an act or instance of intoxicating.

3. overpowering exhilaration or excitement of the mind or emotions.

The world can be intoxicating and interesting.

We become so intoxicated with the world that we allow (yes I said allow) our carnal indulgent self to seek satisfaction and validation in the world and of the world and before long the enemy has crept in and we are no longer sober minded but fully intoxicated by the world. We are so completely caught up in it that sometimes we do not even realize that we left our first love.
We don't realize the beauty of becoming intoxicated with Christ and his love. We are blinded by the world and cannot see what we are missing until we are at a low point and then bam ..... we see it and we see our brokenness and our failures.

Overpowering, exhilaration, excitement of the mind and emotions with the world, and the things in the world of the world and worldly things.

Self control comes from a greek word that means sound mind or even the same as brakes on a car.

Self control is a virtue that with God's help we can accomplish and live with it.
I said with His help because you must study, pray and stay in His word to achieve this and in this you are being watchful.  Watchful of your actions, watchful for HIM in your life, to come on the scene and sustain you. Watchful for the enemy and ready to send him away.

So I want to ask you today to become so intoxicated with Christ that you put on the whole armor of God.  You are watchful and in control with dignity, poise and an inner peace that no one can take away.

But watch yourselves, or your hearts will be weighed down by dissipation, drunkenness, and the worries of life—and that day will spring upon you suddenly like a snare. Luke 21:34

Life is short, find peace, Find Christ.....

On Being Gentle

Have you ever seen a grown man hold or care for a baby?

There is a gentleness there that we notice. That melts a heart.

What does the virtue gentleness mean? Well,  it is an action of self-control of speaking, and acting in a certain way which is considerate and kind to others.

Being gentle means being careful.

We teach our children at a young age to be gentle to babies, be gentle to small animals, but do we continue to teach them to be gentle with people and feelings?

Humans are sensitive by nature. Feelings are the most fragile and are intimately connected to each person. Things that hurt you may not be things that hurt the next person, we are all so unique and different, the way God intended.

You cannot just say one day" I am going to be more gentle", I mean you can and you can work on it.  To be successful,  is to make it a habit of responding to conflict, and critics and drama with love. You do this by self control.  When others raise their voice, you can lower yours. In parenting, in marriage, in church, at work. That may be hard, but it can be done. Let your answers disarm the other person and diffuse the situation!


" A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger" ( Prov. 15:1)
Jesus Christ is the perfect example of gentleness. When he lives within you, you have been given what you need to perfect this virtue, but like any virtue, you have to engross yourself in HIM to be more like him, by praying, reading the Bible and trusting Him.

When you respond under pressure with gentleness it is a great testament to the world who you belong to.  I have heard it said that how one responds under pressure is their true self.

Gentleness communicates love, the more gentle you become, the more Christ- like you become, and the more at rest you will be.

Driven

" and when the ship was caught, and could not face the wind, we gave way [to it,] and were driven". Acts 27:15

Have you ever been driven by a storm in your life? Are you being caught up right now by the force winds and driven?  As this storm drives you are you coasting along? are you fighting it? are you allowing it to beat you down, thus, making you want to quit?

You see when times are hard in our life, we often want to escape. The stress gets unbearable and our flight or fight kicks in and we start to abandon our values and we get into self preservation mode.

God says stay.

Stay with the ship, sit this storm out, the winds may be driving you right now but they will not last, it will pass, hold on tight, fight.
It is never God's will to run from a difficult situation. He never promised easy. He did promise His love, His presence and His Hope !
If you are constantly running, you will never develop the character or grow like God wants you to.

When you go through the storm it is not entirely based on what happens to you ( as life isn't) but what happens in you.
How you respond to storms, winds, and turmoil develops your character and your character is your destiny.

You can choose to concentrate on the bad, on the hurt, on the pain or you can use it for HIM.

Use it !!
There are so many people suffering. They may be scared to share, scared to talk about it and they may just need someone like you to open the door. Confession is sooo good for the soul and YOU may be the catalyst to help someone else open up and share.

Just imagine how very important you are and how your journey can help someone else!!

So buckle down, the winds of the storm might be driving you, but this storm, and wind will pass.