Crying without Tears - Panic

When I was younger, early 20's I would cry a lot. Tear up at a commercial, card, etc... but I would also cry, a deep, heaving cry often. I don't know if I was depressed, if It was hormones or if it was my circumstances at the time, but I cried a lot. Tears are cleansing in a sense or a release at the very least.

Now that I am older, my life is too busy to cry.  Too happy to cry? Too fulfilled? Lack of hormones? Not really sure but I don't cry nearly as much as I used too.  I will confess though that there are times when I feel a panic cry inside, I call it crying without tears. It's usually in the mornings and it is an emotion that comes and goes( I let it go).  It is a feeling of panic, like I need to cry and let it all go, but I realize there isn't time or that God is in control and I regain composure.  When I get this particular feeling if often reminds me of the scripture that says that Spirit knows and God knows our minds and weakness of the heart.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.Rom 8:26

God knows my heart, what I am dealing with, the life panic that I feel, and he is my helper.

I remind myself of some very important scripture:

For God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self control.
 2 Tim 1:7

So that spirit of sadness, panic or worry, it flees from me and I go about my day.  I have to thank God for the comfort and remembrance of the scriptures that continually help me daily.

Abba Father~Thank you......

Prison Stories: And Freedom

 The metallic taste of metal lingers, is it the dust from the chains that bind you to the addiction? 

Is is the drug that is still in your system? Maybe it's blood in your mouth as you bite down on your flesh. 

As you cry out for help today, tonight you return back to those chains, to that addiction in a effort to numb the pain. You don't even realize the bondage, the binding of the chains because all you can see are those moments that you enjoy-  that you feel nothing but euphoria. The euphoria erases those feelings of failure, those feelings of loss, those feelings of not being good enough, the relationship that you feel is irreconcilable, that awful thing you did....

N U M B

Apathy replaces love, feeling, hope, passion, faith- as the chains that bind you control you. 

In your mind you feel free like a bird as you fly through the air, through life because feeling high is better than feeling life....

R E A L I T Y 

Reality is the realization of life, not that this life is perfect but that we are here for a reason, and we are here to live for something. Reality is a journey to the realization that living and that and being in this life you have purpose.  Some cannot look at reality and realize purpose, you choose to stay bound. You choose a different path, one that doesn't really include walking but being bound. 

Really,  you are bound like a prisoner to your addiction, to the thing slowly destroying the beautiful temple that God created in HIS image. Slow death just to avoid feelings, emotions- that are not comfortable, Comfort is your God and the chains that bind you keep you in a prison that you cannot see. 

Never moving forward, never moving really... just bound, obliviously imprisoned. 

A prison that you cannot control yet you feel in control ... for now, living in the moment. Until you wake up in reality. Then there is a choice: Is today the day you make the change, and stick with it? Is today the day you turn your life around, 360 degrees in another direction with fresh perspective and anew HOPE. Is today the day ? Or do you return to the prison that has you confined to yourself, to comfort, to a slow destruction, a slow bleed, a muffled cry, starvation yet freedom, comfort yet discontent. 

Many say one must get to their lowest point to go up, to get tired of the scraps, starvation, bondage. Tired of the stench, the filth, the dirt on the floors that you sleep. So low even family cannot tolerate you. They are burnt out and tired. Tired of the struggle and being drawn into that struggle. Resources tapped out and they cling to an ounce of self preservation. The family members are holding on the the life boat in the middle of the ocean and begin to swim back to shore to try and find solid ground to regain balance and footing of some normalcy of life. Oh the woe's of addiction... You see, it doesn't just put you in a prison of bondage and suffering- 

others suffer because of their love for you. 

Other's suffer as you use them up and drown them in the ocean of tears and strife.

Matthew 11: 28 -29 says "come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest". Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

H E A V Y 

This life, this life can be heavy, loss, failure, heartaches, injustice - just to name a few, but we can rest in our Savior Jesus Christ. 

We can meditate and pray to a point of euphoria and bliss and calm and peace. Never feeling bound but able to release it to our FATHER.... Yields true freedom. True Freedom means being okay with yourself, your flaws, shortcomings, failures, losses and trusting in Yahweh our Father and that he will meet all our needs both physical and emotionally. Letting Go and Letting GOD.

Today is the day - it is the 360 degree day to turn, repent and trust in HIM. He is a chain breaker and Way Maker, Trust in him today.  Don't you want to experience True Freedom?

C H O O S E

The Fledgling

 We found a baby bird just hopping around our yard. 

     We thought it was sick...

      We thought it was hurt..... 

       Three adult blue jays were flying all around our yard and in our Live Oaks and talking to each to  

       each other and we thought surely they were worried about the bird.....

      We called all the wild life centers here, 2 were actually bird centers 

      We took it to the bird sanctuary.  Once we were there,  the guy examined it,  felt it's throat and said feel that ( as he told me to feel around the adams apple area) "that is food and it is fine". We told him that we were worried about the bird being attacked by a dog and it's safety and he said that he couldn't really keep a bird there unless it was clearly hurt. He confirmed what the other place said on the phone -that it was a fledgling.  In my 48 years of life, I have never seen or paid attention to a fledgling bird, maybe in country life they are in the wooded areas and truly it's natural selection there, but never have I seen this before. 

A fledgling is a baby bird that either gets knocked from the nest, falls from the nest or the parents push it from the nest when it's time. The bird either survives or dies through natural selection. It walks around on foot and apparently the mom still feeds it or it feeds as it clearly according to the bird expert had food in it's throat.  As it walks around it learns to fly. The end goal to be independent and able to fly on it's own.

I cannot help but see this as exactly our young adults and teens as they grow up, either go off to college or move out they are like the fledging bird. 

Their little minds are developing and they want to be independent and walk around big on their own feet, and merit,  and by themselves but they really aren't safe yet to be on their own. They still depend on mom or dad to feed them and help them in ways but want that independence. 

For them natural selection is finding their way, either A. they do well at college and continue on in that vane or B.  they get a job, get married and go a different route. Some and I don't know the percentage though go down the wrong path, the self destruction path and just cannot seem to make it on their own, out of the nest but pride, or independence often keeps them from trusting their parents or asking for guidance as they want to too it on their own. Some parents are not supportive and say you are an adult you are not coming back to the nest.... do it on your own. Some get plowed over and beat down, run over, some hit rock bottom and come back up and eventually fly. 

I cannot help but think of the quote.... " What if I fall, Oh but my darling, what if you fly" 

That is what we want : we want our young to fly to find their way and fly on their own, to be contributing members of society and the world making it a better place not a worse place. 

So if you are out there and you are a fledgling and just wandering around .... look up and fly, keep trying, keep searching, keep getting stronger. You can fly, keep trying. 

Darling you were meant to fly.......

The In Between

There are two things promised to us, to be born 
                                                                     ...... and to die... 
Two forces that we must face
Two limits of duration
Two promises 
Two inevitable s

We cannot choose to be un- born, 
Really we cannot choose to die - though some do.

And in between those limits of life and death is now 

It is life 
It is the "Journey" 

Many fall to victim of circumstance, 
Generational curses that our inner soul is too weak to break.
Many struggle but we always have a choice.... 

You have a some choice in your destiny and even in your journey.... Through your  disposition and perspective.

Disposition and Perspective have all the more meaning when reflecting on the living.

Disposition - the dictionary says the inherent quality of mind and character...

Perspective - the dictionary says a particular toward a way or regarding something.. Often known as "point of view" 

You can choose your perspective and your disposition will change. 
You cannot always choose your circumstance but you can choose how you think on that circumstance.

Do you know that if you do something for 30 days it becomes a habit? Challenge yourself, Intentionally change your thinking for 30 days and see if doors open. 

Do it now, life is so very short. 

Rise up in 2020

I am not talking about oppression, suppression or depression. I am talking about the term 'rise up'
in literal terms for 2020.

As a new decade begins, what are you doing? Are you hum drum, going to work, coming home, trolling social media and that's about it? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? - Rise up

I challenge you in 2020 to rise up. Start that work out plan,  eating plan, change your life in 2020!!
A new Decade a new you - Rise up

Believe it or not, but there is great research and proof out there if you can get moving in ANY way, walking, dancing, biking, hiking, stretching, yoga, pilates, anything! you will also feel better emotionally. Try it- Rise up

Emotionally whatever you are holding onto, whatever anger, hurt, rejection, sadness, projection, subjections.... let it go. Release it like a caged bird and RISE UP. Don't let that stuff hold you down.

Next, we have covered the physical, and emotional health let's cover the spiritual.

What are you doing spiritually? Part of being healthy includes spiritual health.
What do you believe, who do you believe in? a higher power -I hope, God I hope...

If you are a believer what are you doing to help others' find their way? Are you being a light in a dark world or are you part of the darkness?

Address your spiritual health in 2020 and RISE UP

Jesus taught us about loving others. He was the perfect example of love and acceptance. He showed us how we are to be and to love.

Research also shows that people who pray, people who give back and or pour into others are happier more fulfilled people. Why is that do you think? Well that is what we were created for.  To love, to give, to RISE UP and be the better person, to be the shoulder for someone else, to be the bigger person, to lend a hand, to encourage, to support, to love.
Are you bored and unfulfilled, an empty nester, or maybe even no children, well RISE UP and volunteer somewhere, give to someone, there are sooo many children out there right now that need help, something as simple as mentoring a child at a school could speak volumes into one life, your presence could change the course of one person's journey, your presence could reverse a generational curse. So I challenge you : RISE UP

Step up to service in your local church, do you know how hard it is to find volunteers ? RISE up

People want to feel better, and have more quality of life.

People want to know that you love them for who they are, right where they are and that is what Jesus taught us and how he loved. Why is it so hard for us? Well it does require some discipline and effort on our part so I challenge you in 2020 to:

RISE UP

On Being Wise

We often refer to the Wise Men in the story of Jesus Birth as men of culture, men who were wealthy, men with means. What made them wise? Were they kings? Magi? Astrologers? Most likely they were exceptionally well educated for that day and time hence the name wise men that they have as well.

Well if you look at the history and read about these fine men,  there is much commentary on these wise men that followed a star to see Jesus.

In my heart of hearts I love the fact that though they were wise they were not so haughty or elite that their hearts could not be pricked, and not so educated that their minds were closed to miracles. It is evident that they had vision and open minds, a curiosity-  that fulfilled prophecy.

Today men have knowledge but often their minds are closed to miracles, to faith, to things bigger than what can be explained, not these men and that is why we call them wise.

I would rather have wisdom above knowledge any day.

Wisdom is being able to look deeper, see clear, see further, have vision with an open mind not penetrated or controlled by mere words on black and white paper or theories or one book that you read. Wisdom is so much more than mere knowledge.

In Mathew 2, the wise men came from the East and King Herod heard about the baby being born and even wanted the wise men to report back to him. Little did he know they were on mission, little did he know, there was a bigger plan than he could imagine in the works. In that bigger plan they never returned to report to King Herod.

They did however fall down and worship Jesus, they gave him gifts, and in getting there, they simply followed a star. Really it doesn't make a lot of since to me that well educated men would put faith in a star and follow it. Scripture even says that when they saw the star they rejoiced, they had joy because they knew in their very being the prophecy. I am amazed that well educated men would revere angels and dreams, but they did, and that's why we call these men, these kings, these magi- WISE.

So what about being wise?
Well today, we don't have a star to follow, we don't have a physical baby to visit or to bring gifts, to bow down and worship, but in the moment at Jerusalem, when the wise men were there they didn't either.  Though they did have hope, a curiosity, the gut feeling, the nudging of something inside of them to go and see. Do you?
If you are yet to be a believer, there must be some curiosity, some hope-something speaking to your soul that there is something more, that there is a Jesus. While you aren't going to physically take a journey to see a baby in a manger to worship, you are still on a journey in life to find Jesus and you will find HIM if you look.

Mathew 2:10  says the wise men "rejoiced exceedingly with great joy"
God wants to offer you joy too.

The Rock Fortress

Has anything ever happened in your life that shakes you, that moves you ? You sit staring in shock and asking God is this really happening, you hope you're dreaming but it's real and it hurts.

Sometimes you begin to question all your decisions, all your life choices, hopes, dreams....

Sometimes things happen to people and they stand at a crossroads, at that moment in time they either run to God or they run away. Whatever the choice..... changes the life, the path the journey.

Have you ever lived day by day with an affliction and each day it tears a little bit away from you. Your faith and trust are tested hour by hour and sometimes to the point of wanting to run far, far away. Flight or fight kicks in from time to time and that feeling comes around. Then you remind yourself you are a child of God and that comfort comes and you're held.

I was talking to someone the other day and they said how do people do it? How does a non-believer get through the hardest parts of life without God. I said I have no idea. I know the scripture below is a great reminder of how we get through things.... it was a great reminder to me

"For God alone my soul waits in silence; from him comes my salvation. He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress; I shall not be greatly shaken."      Psalms 62:1-2

What stuck out to me was- I shall not be greatly shaken.... the word greatly

The reality is that Life shakes us, even some of the more simple problems will shake us. Sometimes Life truly is hard, things happen and we find ourselves on the floor begging for mercy and grace.  Then we are reminded,  with God, we may feel the earthquake, but we are not greatly shaken because the former of the verse.... He is our fortress of stone. If you surround yourself with HIM and he is in you, there is no way to be greatly shaken as HIS house will stand. You are HIS HOUSE: STAND STRONG! Lean on Him- Claim it and don't allow this world to greatly shake you. I Shall not- also requires some action on our part to claim it and live it.

When life is shaking you - remind yourself :

"I shall not be greatly shaken, I serve a big God and he lives in a rock fortress and I am his and he is mine and he is on my side" 

YOU LIVE IN A ROCK FORTRESS WITH THE CREATOR OF THE UNIVERSE- DON'T BE GREATLY SHAKEN