Running from Love

 I was 16 and I was running from Love. 

The things I knew, people I knew and loved me.... I ran. I hid. 

The one love that pursued me, I didn't want. I equated a difficult journey with that love. It wasn't easy and love is suppose to be easy. He pursued me any way. 

I think back on my love, the one true love in my life and how he always pursued me even when I pushed him away at 15, 16, 17, 18. He spent years pursing me. Loving me anyway and sending people in my life to let me know. 

This mysterious love was God. He waited on me, he pursed me, he always loved me, it just took me some time to learn how to love him back. It took me years to understand the kind of love HE offers. 

He loved me when I didn't love myself and when I wanted nothing to do with him. 

I was singing Reckless love the other day by Cory Asbury and it brought to my mind how God always loved me.  These words really got me :

When I was your foe still your love fought for me 

You have been so good to me 

You paid it all for me

You have been so kind to me

Singing that made me remember when I was a foe of Christ when I was 16 and running from him. I remember being at the beach with friends, and a church group of strangers pursued me there, and I discouraged my friends from even talking to them. Yes, I was a foe. I was running from the lover of my soul and I wanted no one else to have that love either. It's a great song if you haven't heard it you should go listen. 

Of course Reckless love that seems not like God at all. His love is not reckless it is intentional and free and part of his plan, not reckless.Well yes,  that is the theology thing to say but we are not all theologians. We the lay people of the world, see his love as reckless, our carnal selves cannot understand a love so true. We cannot fathom a love so genuine and forgiving and to us it is reckless but to HIM it is the gift HE promised. It is His natural gift. He is the shepherd and we are the lost lambs and he is searching for us all even that 1 that strays. 

I am so thankful that he waited on me, that he loved me even when I pushed HIM away. He loved me, and he sent subtle messages to me until I decided one day to love HIM back. Til I decided to accept the call from the lover of my soul. Since then, he has been closer than a brother, he has been a strong shoulder to cry into, a friend, a father, a mother. He has offered peace in the dark times, and hope to clean up the pieces when things fall apart. He is my everything! Thank you God for loving me.

He loves you and he is pursuing you today. He sends people your way to remind you that you are his, that he loves you and wants you to be his bride. He wants you to love him back. He is searching for you. Nothing you have done could make him reject you. Come to HIM today!!!! 

The One Christmas Constant

 I had been feeling quite nostalgic during the holidays.  After loosing my mom almost two years now, I often think about Christmas past and the love and togetherness of family and I find myself going down memory lane, a song, a sound, an ornament, whatever I come across sends me into memories.

Then it happened Christmas Eve, it was but a moment but I felt it. While singing Away in a Manger, in that instant, and that quick, I felt an enormous surge of Christmas spirit. I felt my mom, my dad, my grandma and my brothers all at once in a song. It was a feeling I cannot explain. 

Most likely it was God, the Holy Spirit but though it was but an instant, in that moment I was filled with Christmas spirit. My mind then started to wonder back to 80's, probably sang that particular song so many times. I began to think of the one Christmas constant and that is God, the Holy Spirit, baby Jesus and how no matter what season of life we are in or what memory we hold onto HE is the constant. He brings us together and through the love of the season no matter your age, no matter your social standing, your financial situation, or your health, GOD IS GOD. His song, his music, his hope and celebration. It brings us all together each year and in that moment we are with HIM, we are all celebrating His birth and in one mind with one goal to celebrate the greatest gift of all Jesus Christ, a savior, our savior. 

I am so thankful for the hope of Jesus Christ. Not just the belief of him, and that gratitude of his literal salvation and sacrifice for my life but I am so thankful for the relationship because I serve a living God. He is not dead, he is not a thought or idea or symbol but real. He gives hope, he gives peace, he gives light and grace to get through each day. 

Crying without Tears - Panic

When I was younger, early 20's I would cry a lot. Tear up at a commercial, card, etc... but I would also cry, a deep, heaving cry often. I don't know if I was depressed, if It was hormones or if it was my circumstances at the time, but I cried a lot. Tears are cleansing in a sense or a release at the very least.

Now that I am older, my life is too busy to cry.  Too happy to cry? Too fulfilled? Lack of hormones? Not really sure but I don't cry nearly as much as I used too.  I will confess though that there are times when I feel a panic cry inside, I call it crying without tears. It's usually in the mornings and it is an emotion that comes and goes( I let it go).  It is a feeling of panic, like I need to cry and let it all go, but I realize there isn't time or that God is in control and I regain composure.  When I get this particular feeling if often reminds me of the scripture that says that Spirit knows and God knows our minds and weakness of the heart.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.Rom 8:26

God knows my heart, what I am dealing with, the life panic that I feel, and he is my helper.

I remind myself of some very important scripture:

For God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self control.
 2 Tim 1:7

So that spirit of sadness, panic or worry, it flees from me and I go about my day.  I have to thank God for the comfort and remembrance of the scriptures that continually help me daily.

Abba Father~Thank you......

Prison Stories: And Freedom

 The metallic taste of metal lingers, is it the dust from the chains that bind you to the addiction? 

Is is the drug that is still in your system? Maybe it's blood in your mouth as you bite down on your flesh. 

As you cry out for help today, tonight you return back to those chains, to that addiction in a effort to numb the pain. You don't even realize the bondage, the binding of the chains because all you can see are those moments that you enjoy-  that you feel nothing but euphoria. The euphoria erases those feelings of failure, those feelings of loss, those feelings of not being good enough, the relationship that you feel is irreconcilable, that awful thing you did....

N U M B

Apathy replaces love, feeling, hope, passion, faith- as the chains that bind you control you. 

In your mind you feel free like a bird as you fly through the air, through life because feeling high is better than feeling life....

R E A L I T Y 

Reality is the realization of life, not that this life is perfect but that we are here for a reason, and we are here to live for something. Reality is a journey to the realization that living and that and being in this life you have purpose.  Some cannot look at reality and realize purpose, you choose to stay bound. You choose a different path, one that doesn't really include walking but being bound. 

Really,  you are bound like a prisoner to your addiction, to the thing slowly destroying the beautiful temple that God created in HIS image. Slow death just to avoid feelings, emotions- that are not comfortable, Comfort is your God and the chains that bind you keep you in a prison that you cannot see. 

Never moving forward, never moving really... just bound, obliviously imprisoned. 

A prison that you cannot control yet you feel in control ... for now, living in the moment. Until you wake up in reality. Then there is a choice: Is today the day you make the change, and stick with it? Is today the day you turn your life around, 360 degrees in another direction with fresh perspective and anew HOPE. Is today the day ? Or do you return to the prison that has you confined to yourself, to comfort, to a slow destruction, a slow bleed, a muffled cry, starvation yet freedom, comfort yet discontent. 

Many say one must get to their lowest point to go up, to get tired of the scraps, starvation, bondage. Tired of the stench, the filth, the dirt on the floors that you sleep. So low even family cannot tolerate you. They are burnt out and tired. Tired of the struggle and being drawn into that struggle. Resources tapped out and they cling to an ounce of self preservation. The family members are holding on the the life boat in the middle of the ocean and begin to swim back to shore to try and find solid ground to regain balance and footing of some normalcy of life. Oh the woe's of addiction... You see, it doesn't just put you in a prison of bondage and suffering- 

others suffer because of their love for you. 

Other's suffer as you use them up and drown them in the ocean of tears and strife.

Matthew 11: 28 -29 says "come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest". Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

H E A V Y 

This life, this life can be heavy, loss, failure, heartaches, injustice - just to name a few, but we can rest in our Savior Jesus Christ. 

We can meditate and pray to a point of euphoria and bliss and calm and peace. Never feeling bound but able to release it to our FATHER.... Yields true freedom. True Freedom means being okay with yourself, your flaws, shortcomings, failures, losses and trusting in Yahweh our Father and that he will meet all our needs both physical and emotionally. Letting Go and Letting GOD.

Today is the day - it is the 360 degree day to turn, repent and trust in HIM. He is a chain breaker and Way Maker, Trust in him today.  Don't you want to experience True Freedom?

C H O O S E

The Fledgling

 We found a baby bird just hopping around our yard. 

     We thought it was sick...

      We thought it was hurt..... 

       Three adult blue jays were flying all around our yard and in our Live Oaks and talking to each to  

       each other and we thought surely they were worried about the bird.....

      We called all the wild life centers here, 2 were actually bird centers 

      We took it to the bird sanctuary.  Once we were there,  the guy examined it,  felt it's throat and said feel that ( as he told me to feel around the adams apple area) "that is food and it is fine". We told him that we were worried about the bird being attacked by a dog and it's safety and he said that he couldn't really keep a bird there unless it was clearly hurt. He confirmed what the other place said on the phone -that it was a fledgling.  In my 48 years of life, I have never seen or paid attention to a fledgling bird, maybe in country life they are in the wooded areas and truly it's natural selection there, but never have I seen this before. 

A fledgling is a baby bird that either gets knocked from the nest, falls from the nest or the parents push it from the nest when it's time. The bird either survives or dies through natural selection. It walks around on foot and apparently the mom still feeds it or it feeds as it clearly according to the bird expert had food in it's throat.  As it walks around it learns to fly. The end goal to be independent and able to fly on it's own.

I cannot help but see this as exactly our young adults and teens as they grow up, either go off to college or move out they are like the fledging bird. 

Their little minds are developing and they want to be independent and walk around big on their own feet, and merit,  and by themselves but they really aren't safe yet to be on their own. They still depend on mom or dad to feed them and help them in ways but want that independence. 

For them natural selection is finding their way, either A. they do well at college and continue on in that vane or B.  they get a job, get married and go a different route. Some and I don't know the percentage though go down the wrong path, the self destruction path and just cannot seem to make it on their own, out of the nest but pride, or independence often keeps them from trusting their parents or asking for guidance as they want to too it on their own. Some parents are not supportive and say you are an adult you are not coming back to the nest.... do it on your own. Some get plowed over and beat down, run over, some hit rock bottom and come back up and eventually fly. 

I cannot help but think of the quote.... " What if I fall, Oh but my darling, what if you fly" 

That is what we want : we want our young to fly to find their way and fly on their own, to be contributing members of society and the world making it a better place not a worse place. 

So if you are out there and you are a fledgling and just wandering around .... look up and fly, keep trying, keep searching, keep getting stronger. You can fly, keep trying. 

Darling you were meant to fly.......

The In Between

There are two things promised to us, to be born 
                                                                     ...... and to die... 
Two forces that we must face
Two limits of duration
Two promises 
Two inevitable s

We cannot choose to be un- born, 
Really we cannot choose to die - though some do.

And in between those limits of life and death is now 

It is life 
It is the "Journey" 

Many fall to victim of circumstance, 
Generational curses that our inner soul is too weak to break.
Many struggle but we always have a choice.... 

You have a some choice in your destiny and even in your journey.... Through your  disposition and perspective.

Disposition and Perspective have all the more meaning when reflecting on the living.

Disposition - the dictionary says the inherent quality of mind and character...

Perspective - the dictionary says a particular toward a way or regarding something.. Often known as "point of view" 

You can choose your perspective and your disposition will change. 
You cannot always choose your circumstance but you can choose how you think on that circumstance.

Do you know that if you do something for 30 days it becomes a habit? Challenge yourself, Intentionally change your thinking for 30 days and see if doors open. 

Do it now, life is so very short. 

Rise up in 2020

I am not talking about oppression, suppression or depression. I am talking about the term 'rise up'
in literal terms for 2020.

As a new decade begins, what are you doing? Are you hum drum, going to work, coming home, trolling social media and that's about it? Are you sick and tired of being sick and tired? - Rise up

I challenge you in 2020 to rise up. Start that work out plan,  eating plan, change your life in 2020!!
A new Decade a new you - Rise up

Believe it or not, but there is great research and proof out there if you can get moving in ANY way, walking, dancing, biking, hiking, stretching, yoga, pilates, anything! you will also feel better emotionally. Try it- Rise up

Emotionally whatever you are holding onto, whatever anger, hurt, rejection, sadness, projection, subjections.... let it go. Release it like a caged bird and RISE UP. Don't let that stuff hold you down.

Next, we have covered the physical, and emotional health let's cover the spiritual.

What are you doing spiritually? Part of being healthy includes spiritual health.
What do you believe, who do you believe in? a higher power -I hope, God I hope...

If you are a believer what are you doing to help others' find their way? Are you being a light in a dark world or are you part of the darkness?

Address your spiritual health in 2020 and RISE UP

Jesus taught us about loving others. He was the perfect example of love and acceptance. He showed us how we are to be and to love.

Research also shows that people who pray, people who give back and or pour into others are happier more fulfilled people. Why is that do you think? Well that is what we were created for.  To love, to give, to RISE UP and be the better person, to be the shoulder for someone else, to be the bigger person, to lend a hand, to encourage, to support, to love.
Are you bored and unfulfilled, an empty nester, or maybe even no children, well RISE UP and volunteer somewhere, give to someone, there are sooo many children out there right now that need help, something as simple as mentoring a child at a school could speak volumes into one life, your presence could change the course of one person's journey, your presence could reverse a generational curse. So I challenge you : RISE UP

Step up to service in your local church, do you know how hard it is to find volunteers ? RISE up

People want to feel better, and have more quality of life.

People want to know that you love them for who they are, right where they are and that is what Jesus taught us and how he loved. Why is it so hard for us? Well it does require some discipline and effort on our part so I challenge you in 2020 to:

RISE UP