Ode to the Woman

ODE TO ALL WOMEN  

Ode to the woman is written to all moms, all caregivers it was inspired by being a woman and mom and the woes of life, but also the beauty in it all. 

Ode to the Woman, who has in anxiety or grief who has looked back, the one who is hard on herself and is always hard on herself but especially so with her children. You have done your best but feel like your best wasn't good enough, if only you had been more intentional, pushed more loved even more, talked more. Instead you were there in body but so tired in spirit. Maybe not tired, but also maybe you just didn't know what to say or how to love outwardly with body and word because no one ever taught you. You had not the words to fill the gaps, to fill the cracks and nurture outwardly, but you were there, you showed up and you tried. You loved, you gave, you tried. It has not all been for naught, but a seed planted, love given in your own way and God sees it, and he loves you. May you feel His Love and peace in return.

Ode to the Woman, The one who has grown outward, and more fluffy. You have had children, and loved, you have taken care of your children, you haven't let your self go, you have let yourself live. You don't calculate every minute of every day or every calorie. You have journeyed through your days concentrating on your family and not yourself, and that is okay. Kudos to you, keep living, and loving. You maybe married and though he stays in shape and maybe goes to the gym, there is not time or motivation for you.  The most steps you get are running after little ones and though you don't begrudge it, you often think, wouldn't one day to yourself, one day off, just one day be nice to have to work on yourself, but you just keep growing and gaining weight, but loving your family and being there for them all. Your love holds you captive, you don't want to miss one step, one minute from your family so you don't make time for self to go to the gym, to recharge or meditate. You justify it all in love. 

Ode to the Woman who has somehow done it all, managed to keep her figure, to keep all her appointments at the gym. The woman who has kept it together both physically, and mentally and has it all: the family, the career and her figure and looks. Hard work has paid off and kudos to you for being that champion time manager and master planner to get it all done. You know in your heart you might have missed that morning breakfast with the littles or that book to read at night, you might have missed some cuddles but you know that it's okay because you being strong and working on yourself matters. It matters that you are filled up and whole so that you can pour into your family. Ode to you woman with the full cup who has it all figured out. 

Ode to the woman who is trying, the one who does not have it all together but still shows up everyday and does her best. She may be fluffy she may be thin, but she hasn't the time for the gym. She is busy, and life is busy and she works, as does her husband, and though career is not her focus her work takes her away every day from her family, but somehow it all works out because of a team effort of family. Flickers of guilt come and go as she wishes she could have spent more time with her kiddos, she relishes in the little moments, the night time prayers or hugs in the morning but not enough time, not enough talks and time rushes on like a mighty river flows, and 10 years have passed in a flicker. Ode to this woman for trying, for striving.

Ode to the woman who might have focused on her career a wee bit long. 30's 40's then no children came. Ode to this woman too who chose career over family. She pushed those natural nudges to start a family to seek the perfect fairly tale life of home and family to focus on her job, and career. She may sit in regret later in life, or even now, but don't, don't begrudge your choices. Find family in friends, love on those around you. Ode to this woman who might have let time slip through her fingers, but don't we all in some form or fashion.

Ode to the woman who gave up a career or chose to stay home with her children, to maybe have less, but love more. It's okay, your okay and your career will or won't wait on you, but you are having a home career, home manager and your career is your family. Ode to you and yours. Don't pine over what could have been or what career ambition might have yielded but celebrate the now, live in the present and know that you are creating magic in your children who will forever be bonded to you. 

Ode to the woman who might have been left, left by her husband, or left by her children. You still have so much to give you are a woman and this world needs you. Ode to you, may you find your way, may you dance in the storm and find your path that leads to a fruitful life. May you pick of the pieces and may they all fit together or maybe you make a new masterpiece but get up and show up. 

Ode to the woman who is striving with or without family who has health problems, or addictions. Ode to you for going on, for fighting. You are doing your best. You may be fluffly or you may be thin, but remember the real stuff is on the inside, the beauty is what comes out of the heart, not the skeleton that holds the heart. Remember each day we get the chance to start again, afresh and anew.

Ode to the woman who is raising someone else's child or children either by choice of by 'doing the right thing' and taking family on. Ode to you for allowing your motherly instincts drive you, for loving and striving to give what others could not, or would not. It may not come easy or it may or may not come natural but you try and you show up and you plan and you are there like a steadfast pillar doing your best not to bring glory to you but to give hope to a child that all is not lost, and the universe wants them here. 

The New Leprosy

 I have to say that as a people we are really no different than we were thousands of years ago even BC. I know this as I read God's word and the stories that are there reminding me of the human condition. 

What is the human condition- well we are evil by nature and will remain evil until we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior and even then when we strive and work hard to be good we are not. 

We are different, we work, we strive, but at the end of the day, we are selfish and we fail. We are human. 

IN the age I speak of when someone had leprosy they were cast aside and put out from society to be almost exiled.  They were not accepted into the city or with other people, but had to be isolated for public health reasons.

Now our new Leprosy is our mentally ill. Not due to health but due to our own comfort. I speak of the one's that have burned every bridge in their life to the point of being isolated and alone. They live on the street, or in a home.  Family love them but they do it at arms length and they set boundaries. Those boundaries often include separation of sorts and again the person is isolated. Isolated just as someone with leprosy, not because of contagion but because many reasons, they don't look like us or they get on our nerves or we are just plain tired of the journey of it. 

I am not judging, I write this as I have lived it. I write this from a place of conviction yet have no answers of how this can change or get better. I write this as I am just as bad as the Doctor that refuses to treat a drug addict with heart valve damage, though he covers his documentation with proper language to keep himself from being sued. The poor soul who decided to self medicate when life didn't feel right and it got out of hand. The Doc plays God and decides the drug addict homeless person does not get to live. 

Let's talk about the mentally ill. The one's who don't look like us, or act like us. The individual that speaks to the air, to his book bag, to all cars riding down the street. He/She looks unkempt,  burly, tanned and often dirty. Sometimes they don't say anything at all, just stare off - oh yeah those are the ones that take their meds and appear to be zombies, but 

I would say the mentally ill are the new leprosy ... 

They don't get looked at or even acknowledged at times. Society  keeps them isolated, and alone because no one wants to deal with it in their life. No one wants to be around psychosis and hallucinations or delusions because it aggravates us as we live in the present and well we don't want to live in the twighlight zone. I get it, I have lived it, but as a people group as humanity, there must be a better way. 

We talk about inclusion all the time, diversity, and acceptance....what about this people group? 

Why is it so hard to accept them, include them, and realize that they matter, that they are humans that should be treated with respect and dignity just as any human being. 

Mental health is a public health problem as our mental health drives our physical health. So I wonder in this first world country that I live in, why has no one found a suitable answer or solution to our country's mental health problem? 

I am gonna end with a beautiful quote or story by Ram Dass-

"When you go out into the woods and you look at trees, you see all these different trees. And some of them are bent, and some of them are straight, and some of them are evergreens, and some of them are whatever. And you look at the tree and allow it. You sort of understand that it didn't get enough light, and so it turned that way. And you don't get all emotional about it. You just allow it. You appreciate the tree. The minute you get near humans you loose all that. And you are constantly saying'you're too this, or I'm too this.' That Judging mind come in. And So I practice turning people into trees. Which means appreciating them the way they are."

 

Welcoming in 2023 Embracing the Patchwork Quilt

I clearly remember my Nanny telling me about the quilt she had for me. She explained how they would save their old dresses and cut it up into strips or shapes and create a quilt top. She would tell me about it and say I have each of you one. Then one day she decided to have someone quilt them for us for Christmas and she gave them to us and to this day, I treasure that quilt.

Life is kinda like a patchwork quilt: each person that comes into your life is like a strip or shape of material. Their friendship, their character, things you shared you store up in the memories of your mind. You may never make a quilt as those things are not tangible but oh how very special they are.

People come and people go all touching your life in some way.

Being in the ministry and just through the journey of life,  there have been so many people in our life, and I just want you to know I treasure the friendship we shared, the kindness, the encouragement, or the words of wisdom.
Funny how our journeys separated us or took us in different directions, but I am so thankful that each and every one of you have been a part of my patchwork life.

As of late ( well last 2 years) we have had a lot of death in our family and it truly leaves one a little numb. It also reminds you of the brevity of life as well as how precious it is. 

The true magic of life though is living through loss or grief all the while embracing the present. Not being numb, but alive and in the moment. 

Grief comes like waves, sometimes we embrace it and sometimes it cripples and sometimes we do our best to push it aside and save it for later.  Even compartmentalization works,  making sure to be present for loved ones but also grieving when needed. Compartmentalization is not being fake it is being wise and a great sign of emotional intelligence in that one can detach when needed and be present. 

Someone once told me you cannot grieve and not live and you cannot live and not grieve. All so very true.

To start 2023 , I challenge you as I challenge myself to live in the moment more. Not to be numb but alive. 

Through the old pieces of material that make up our life, Look for the beauty in each day, in each minute of the day. Look for the blessing and refuse to accept or feel cursed, but claim something good. Look for a lesson, look for a blessing amidst it all . As we look at our quilt, some pieces are tattered and torn and even worn thin. Others are still crisp and smooth like the new and easy things of life. All are part of our patchwork quilt and patchwork life. 

So in 2023 embrace life, alive and alert. Just show up even if you're secretly clutching that tattered blanket of security or holding on to that grief because you feel it keeps your loved one alive in your mind. Even if finances, or relationships or careers are not where you want or maybe even in shambles but in your heart may you have peace that can only be given by the One True God. Just Show up in 2023 and be present for the moment. Because that small thing, it seems like nothing, well the little things are not little and life is truly but a vapor. So embrace 2023 with new mindset and new love.

And as we close out 2022, remember that though our patchwork life has many pieces to it, In 2023 may we find ourselves healthy and whole and no longer numb, but warm as we embrace the many facets of the quilt of life. 

Running from Love

 I was 16 and I was running from Love. 

The things I knew, people I knew and loved me.... I ran. I hid. 

The one love that pursued me, I didn't want. I equated a difficult journey with that love. It wasn't easy and love is suppose to be easy. He pursued me any way. 

I think back on my love, the one true love in my life and how he always pursued me even when I pushed him away at 15, 16, 17, 18. He spent years pursing me. Loving me anyway and sending people in my life to let me know. 

This mysterious love was God. He waited on me, he pursed me, he always loved me, it just took me some time to learn how to love him back. It took me years to understand the kind of love HE offers. 

He loved me when I didn't love myself and when I wanted nothing to do with him. 

I was singing Reckless love the other day by Cory Asbury and it brought to my mind how God always loved me.  These words really got me :

When I was your foe still your love fought for me 

You have been so good to me 

You paid it all for me

You have been so kind to me

Singing that made me remember when I was a foe of Christ when I was 16 and running from him. I remember being at the beach with friends, and a church group of strangers pursued me there, and I discouraged my friends from even talking to them. Yes, I was a foe. I was running from the lover of my soul and I wanted no one else to have that love either. It's a great song if you haven't heard it you should go listen. 

Of course Reckless love that seems not like God at all. His love is not reckless it is intentional and free and part of his plan, not reckless.Well yes,  that is the theology thing to say but we are not all theologians. We the lay people of the world, see his love as reckless, our carnal selves cannot understand a love so true. We cannot fathom a love so genuine and forgiving and to us it is reckless but to HIM it is the gift HE promised. It is His natural gift. He is the shepherd and we are the lost lambs and he is searching for us all even that 1 that strays. 

I am so thankful that he waited on me, that he loved me even when I pushed HIM away. He loved me, and he sent subtle messages to me until I decided one day to love HIM back. Til I decided to accept the call from the lover of my soul. Since then, he has been closer than a brother, he has been a strong shoulder to cry into, a friend, a father, a mother. He has offered peace in the dark times, and hope to clean up the pieces when things fall apart. He is my everything! Thank you God for loving me.

He loves you and he is pursuing you today. He sends people your way to remind you that you are his, that he loves you and wants you to be his bride. He wants you to love him back. He is searching for you. Nothing you have done could make him reject you. Come to HIM today!!!! 

The One Christmas Constant

 I had been feeling quite nostalgic during the holidays.  After loosing my mom almost two years now, I often think about Christmas past and the love and togetherness of family and I find myself going down memory lane, a song, a sound, an ornament, whatever I come across sends me into memories.

Then it happened Christmas Eve, it was but a moment but I felt it. While singing Away in a Manger, in that instant, and that quick, I felt an enormous surge of Christmas spirit. I felt my mom, my dad, my grandma and my brothers all at once in a song. It was a feeling I cannot explain. 

Most likely it was God, the Holy Spirit but though it was but an instant, in that moment I was filled with Christmas spirit. My mind then started to wonder back to 80's, probably sang that particular song so many times. I began to think of the one Christmas constant and that is God, the Holy Spirit, baby Jesus and how no matter what season of life we are in or what memory we hold onto HE is the constant. He brings us together and through the love of the season no matter your age, no matter your social standing, your financial situation, or your health, GOD IS GOD. His song, his music, his hope and celebration. It brings us all together each year and in that moment we are with HIM, we are all celebrating His birth and in one mind with one goal to celebrate the greatest gift of all Jesus Christ, a savior, our savior. 

I am so thankful for the hope of Jesus Christ. Not just the belief of him, and that gratitude of his literal salvation and sacrifice for my life but I am so thankful for the relationship because I serve a living God. He is not dead, he is not a thought or idea or symbol but real. He gives hope, he gives peace, he gives light and grace to get through each day. 

Crying without Tears - Panic

When I was younger, early 20's I would cry a lot. Tear up at a commercial, card, etc... but I would also cry, a deep, heaving cry often. I don't know if I was depressed, if It was hormones or if it was my circumstances at the time, but I cried a lot. Tears are cleansing in a sense or a release at the very least.

Now that I am older, my life is too busy to cry.  Too happy to cry? Too fulfilled? Lack of hormones? Not really sure but I don't cry nearly as much as I used too.  I will confess though that there are times when I feel a panic cry inside, I call it crying without tears. It's usually in the mornings and it is an emotion that comes and goes( I let it go).  It is a feeling of panic, like I need to cry and let it all go, but I realize there isn't time or that God is in control and I regain composure.  When I get this particular feeling if often reminds me of the scripture that says that Spirit knows and God knows our minds and weakness of the heart.

Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words.Rom 8:26

God knows my heart, what I am dealing with, the life panic that I feel, and he is my helper.

I remind myself of some very important scripture:

For God has not given me a spirit of fear and timidity, but a spirit of power, love and self control.
 2 Tim 1:7

So that spirit of sadness, panic or worry, it flees from me and I go about my day.  I have to thank God for the comfort and remembrance of the scriptures that continually help me daily.

Abba Father~Thank you......

Prison Stories: And Freedom

 The metallic taste of metal lingers, is it the dust from the chains that bind you to the addiction? 

Is is the drug that is still in your system? Maybe it's blood in your mouth as you bite down on your flesh. 

As you cry out for help today, tonight you return back to those chains, to that addiction in a effort to numb the pain. You don't even realize the bondage, the binding of the chains because all you can see are those moments that you enjoy-  that you feel nothing but euphoria. The euphoria erases those feelings of failure, those feelings of loss, those feelings of not being good enough, the relationship that you feel is irreconcilable, that awful thing you did....

N U M B

Apathy replaces love, feeling, hope, passion, faith- as the chains that bind you control you. 

In your mind you feel free like a bird as you fly through the air, through life because feeling high is better than feeling life....

R E A L I T Y 

Reality is the realization of life, not that this life is perfect but that we are here for a reason, and we are here to live for something. Reality is a journey to the realization that living and that and being in this life you have purpose.  Some cannot look at reality and realize purpose, you choose to stay bound. You choose a different path, one that doesn't really include walking but being bound. 

Really,  you are bound like a prisoner to your addiction, to the thing slowly destroying the beautiful temple that God created in HIS image. Slow death just to avoid feelings, emotions- that are not comfortable, Comfort is your God and the chains that bind you keep you in a prison that you cannot see. 

Never moving forward, never moving really... just bound, obliviously imprisoned. 

A prison that you cannot control yet you feel in control ... for now, living in the moment. Until you wake up in reality. Then there is a choice: Is today the day you make the change, and stick with it? Is today the day you turn your life around, 360 degrees in another direction with fresh perspective and anew HOPE. Is today the day ? Or do you return to the prison that has you confined to yourself, to comfort, to a slow destruction, a slow bleed, a muffled cry, starvation yet freedom, comfort yet discontent. 

Many say one must get to their lowest point to go up, to get tired of the scraps, starvation, bondage. Tired of the stench, the filth, the dirt on the floors that you sleep. So low even family cannot tolerate you. They are burnt out and tired. Tired of the struggle and being drawn into that struggle. Resources tapped out and they cling to an ounce of self preservation. The family members are holding on the the life boat in the middle of the ocean and begin to swim back to shore to try and find solid ground to regain balance and footing of some normalcy of life. Oh the woe's of addiction... You see, it doesn't just put you in a prison of bondage and suffering- 

others suffer because of their love for you. 

Other's suffer as you use them up and drown them in the ocean of tears and strife.

Matthew 11: 28 -29 says "come to me all who labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest". Take my yoke upon you and learn from me for I am gentle and lowly in heart and you will find rest for your souls.

H E A V Y 

This life, this life can be heavy, loss, failure, heartaches, injustice - just to name a few, but we can rest in our Savior Jesus Christ. 

We can meditate and pray to a point of euphoria and bliss and calm and peace. Never feeling bound but able to release it to our FATHER.... Yields true freedom. True Freedom means being okay with yourself, your flaws, shortcomings, failures, losses and trusting in Yahweh our Father and that he will meet all our needs both physical and emotionally. Letting Go and Letting GOD.

Today is the day - it is the 360 degree day to turn, repent and trust in HIM. He is a chain breaker and Way Maker, Trust in him today.  Don't you want to experience True Freedom?

C H O O S E